ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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