i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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