I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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