Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
