she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
When are your genitals available?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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