At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
