I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
