UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
