sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
