Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
