True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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