i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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