i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
