Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
