Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I love black thongs
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
