I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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