Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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