What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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