in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
