You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
