Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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