new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
