I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
