I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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