cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
