I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
