First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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