Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
