Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
