If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
