I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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