He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
