theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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