In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
