remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
