She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
