The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
