so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Can I color on your dick again?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
