i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Send help, water and tortillas.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
