I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Randomize
