His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
