Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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