Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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