cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
