I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
