Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
