do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
