You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
