also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
