Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
