The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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