I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
