I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
