I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize